My Journey Home Part 2

1.) We Need to Sell the House 2.)We Need Money for tuition, moving etc. etc. etc. 3.) We needed jobs in Texas 4.) We needed a good school for Brock 5.) We needed a good home for our golden retriever

So these were are biggest issues immediately at hand and then, there was telling people. Truly committing to this and going through with it no matter what family or friends thought. No matter how crazy it seemed we knew we were supposed to go through with it because it was what God had asked us to do. Telling people is one of the hardest things when you put something into action because then all eyes are on you to see if you are going to go through with your decision. We had pretty diverse responses from our family and friends. Some were incredibly supportive and reassuring, some where just unsure, and some just flat-out thought we were crazy. There is a verse that I truly never understood or experienced until we made the decision to make this move; Philippians 4:6-7 which says Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Most of you, I would dare say have never experienced the peace of God, not because you don’t want to, but because most of us are unwilling to put ourselves in a situation where His peace is the only way we survive. I challenge you to seek after this opportunity because it will completely change your relationship with God and give you freedom in life you have never experienced. I will do my best to explain my experience but you will never have the full effect or understanding of God’s Peace until you experience it yourself. If I was completely honest, before I had this experience, I don’t think I ever believed this peace was attainable but it is and again, it is unlike anything you will experience on this earth. Literally, from the moment we made that decision in the hotel room to take this leap of faith God filled my heart with His Peace. Just to give you a picture of our timeline, we made this decision at the end of May and Josh’s classes would start in August so we wanted to be in Texas August 1 to give us a little time to get settled before his classes would start. So basically, we had sixty days to come up with money for tuition, secure our housing assignment at the seminary, sell our home, get jobs in Texas, find Brock a new school, and find a home for our golden retriever. We couldn’t part with our dog right away so we put him on the back burner, the school thing for Brock was going to be tough because we couldn’t go tour any of the schools but I did immediately start looking online and e-mailing different places to get more information on schools. We both started applying for jobs daily. Josh got a response to one of the part time jobs he applied to at the Seminary and ended up getting that job. We also started selling stuff we were not going to be able to take with us. We decided on the front end we didn’t want a storage unit so everything that couldn’t fit in the apartment we got assigned to would have to be sold or given away. I have never in my life seen items sell so fast. I would put something on Craig’s List or FB and most days it would be sold in less than 30 minutes.  Josh and I were driving somewhere almost every day meeting people who had bought our things. Truly, a God thing if I have ever seen one and we made few thousand dollars. It was enough to cover his first semester and buy some if not all of his books. God always taking care of things! We also immediately put a for sale by owner sign in the yard and of course got the word out every way we could that we would be selling our house. That first month we had two different couples look at it and they both loved it! One couple made an offer on it and Josh and I both were in awe at God working. However, the other couple that was interested really wanted the house and since we knew both couples we were really torn about what to do. We prayed, and prayed, and had other people pray but we both came to the decision that God didn’t want us to take that offer so we didn’t. It gets down to the last two weeks before we are supposed to move: Josh has a job, and I didn’t have a job but I had a huge lead on a great job where I was going to interview that first week we were in Fort Worth. We had sold everything we needed to sell except a treadmill, We still needed to find a home for our dog, our moving expenses had been taken care of by our family, we had money for Josh’s tuition and books, I had narrowed down the school options for Brock, and the other couple was still interested in our house and actively trying to sell theirs with some positive leads. As you can imagine, the time went by so fast but in all the things that were happening it was so clear to me that God was taking care of everything and I didn’t worry about anything. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that He was going to take care of everything. His peace that He gave me in this situation assured me that He had everything under control. Everybody kept asking me if I was okay, was I stressing out, etc. but I genuinely wasn’t. And I know most people don’t believe that and that’s okay too, before I experienced that peace I would have never believed someone either. I mean I am Type A Control freak all the way, while I am overall pretty laid back, when there is a large task at hand I am all over it and go into drill sargeant mode but I never got to that point, a true miracle from God. So in the last two weeks, I was killing myself packing, going to lunches, dinners, and yogurt stops (I don’t drink coffee) in between to say goodbye to people, and then we also had a reception at our church where we receieved the greatest love offering, prayers, and encouragement beyond what I ever could have imagined. I don’t know that I have ever felt more loved in my life than I did that night. When Jesus shines His love so brightly through His people it is an overwhelming and humbling experience. I wish I could have bottled that love up and poured it out over so many more people because that is what our service here is all about. Sharing Jesus’ love with people!! We had waited so long to find a home for our dog because we really thought our neighbor would take him because he loved him so much. Well, the neighbor decided he didn’t want full responsibility I guess, so we started asking around (we were now down to two days before we were leaving town) when one of Josh’s buddies from the fire department messaged Josh and told him he would take him. It was bittersweet saying goodbye to that dog. He was our first baby. We went and bought him the day after we got married. I was happy to know he was going where he would have lots of land to run around on and a pond to swim in…Golden Retriever heaven 🙂 so Josh took him to the guy the day before we left.  We finally got everything packed up that was going, or sold and given away that wasn’t, and headed out for Texas on Aug. 1. I don’t think I have ever experienced an easier move, now don’t get me wrong, it was HOT like 108 when we got here and I think a couple of us almost passed out while unloading the truck but outside of that we got everything here and unloaded the first day then the next day we got all the boxes unpacked and thrown away, I guess there is a bonus to downsizing! Again, in all of this I still had a peace that carried me through. I was still applying for different jobs in case the one I had a lead on didn’t work out. I enjoyed my first couple of weeks here hanging out with Brock and getting things in order and looking for him a school. I was loving being able to have hours of quiet time before Brock got up each morning and then getting to play with him all afternoon! Then began the “tough” parts of the journey. The job I had the big lead on didn’t pan out, I wasn’t sure what to do about Brock’s school because I didn’t know what we would be able to afford since I still didn’t have a job. I was getting really frustrated because I was applying for jobs that I was way over qualified for and getting no response and August was approaching an end. Then finally I received a call about a position I had applied for at the seminary to come in for an interview, the next week they offered me a job. Now, I should have been incredibly grateful because this was really what Josh and I though God’s plan was all along, for me to get a full time position on campus because it would cover his tuition. However, being the selfish human I am I just started thinking man I am really starting all the way over. I have worked so hard to make a career for myself, a good one that pays well, and now I’ll be making a little more than what I was making when I first started my career. It was a HARD pill to swallow. Of course, everyone was like you can keep looking for other jobs etc. etc. but I knew in my heart this was the job God wanted me to take. So, I somewhat begrudgingly took the position. Again, who am I to act such a way when God directs me to do something, I don’t know, all I can say is that my Pride in that moment was coming out kicking, screaming, and punching, trying to over take the desire of my heart to follow God’s plan for my life. I believe this was when I lost God’s peace. His peace that had gotten me through two months of craziness with effortlessness on my part was now gone. I didn’t lose it because He took it from me, I lost it because I lost faith in His plan. Don’t get me wrong, I took the job, I am still in that job and I am not miserable in the job! However I did lose faith in God’s plan when it came directly in contact with something I thought I had worked so hard to build. The truth is I was only where I was because of God’s grace but I always took credit for where I had gotten myself in life. Disgusting Pride, it will get you every time. As God stripped this away from me I could see what He was trying to do. Ever since my parent’s divorce, I have only depended on myself. I learned painful lessons when I was younger that showed me people, no matter who they are to you, are just not dependable. And so, relying on anyone but myself was just not going to happen. Been there, Done that, got the t-shirt and burned it, if you catch my drift. Again, back to the truth, I knew deep in my heart that the only reason I survived all the crazy things in my past was only by the grace of God. Even if you had asked me that back before all the drastic changes in my life it would have been one of the answers I would have given you. However, that self dependency mentality had me keeping God at an arms length that I didn’t realize. I trusted Him and had the utmost faith in Him to work out this move and take care of everything but when it really got down to taking care of me and my family I saw that as my responsibility not His. I was in control of that portion, I was the one who took care of my family. God had to do something drastic to open my eyes to who the real caretaker of me and family is and always has been. Attention gotten! So, while I still struggle with not being the “primary caretaker” I thought I was, I do have faith and know that He is the ultimate provider of all our needs. And I love that He loves me enough to open my eyes to things that I have to let go of in order to have a closer relationship with Him. Now, onto Brock’s school…. I had a couple of places to check out before I started so I called one to set up a tour. I went and thought it was great so signed him up to start a week later. The Monday I took him to his first day of 4k was a disaster. It is also a very long story that I may go into at another time. However, to shorten this up let’s just leave it at I hated it, and Brock hated it so much he started crying the night before because he didn’t want to go.(side note he loves school so this was a major red flag). At the end of his first week I had already decided I was going to have to put in my two week notice(at his school) and find him a new school. I was crying out to God please help me find something else we can afford, we really wanted him in a private school but we couldn’t afford most of the ones here and most of them didn’t have all day programs. I was searching on the internet one day at lunch and a school popped up that never had. It was a Christian school 7 miles away that we could afford and that had an all day program. I emailed the lady telling her my situation and she said that they had a waiting list but I could come tour the school at the following Tuesday. I also set up a tour with a different center that wasn’t a Christian school but I need a back up plan because I was getting Brock out of that daycare(control freak :)). I went and toured the one that wasn’t Christian and was satisfied with it and then Josh and I both went to the Christian school to tour it. Again, we were praying like we had never prayed before!! We get to the interview and she shows us around and talks to us for a while then she asked me something about when I wanted him to be able to come and I told her that Friday was his last day at the center where he was and that we really wanted him to go to that school but if they didn’t have an opening he was going to be going to a different school either way. And then she just started handing us paperwork to fill out and telling us when to have it back and I just about started crying in her office. Praise the Lord for answered prayers because this momma was on the verge of a nervous break down!!

Ok, I still have a really long way to go with the rest of this story so I’ll try and finish it up tomorrow!

My Journey Home

Excitedly I can tell you that it is not disobedience that has caused me not to post anything for a while,God hadn’t laid anything on my heart and then when He did it was of course an out of my comfort zone topic, imagine that :)! Again, I can’t stress how private of a person I am, not that it is right to be this way. However, I am incredibly cautious in who I share personal details of my life with. I have many reasons for this, my main one being, most people don’t really care they only show concern so they can have the scoop on your life to share with whoever asks them. And to be perfectly honest, there is something about that so despicable to me that I could practically implode with anger. Anyway…stepping down from my soap box and trying to clear the blurry rage from my eyes I reflect once again that Jesus’ life was an open book to anyone and everyone. And while my flesh wants to say to me yes, and He was absolutely perfect and had nothing to hide, no sins of the past haunting Him, especially like what you have in your past! God keeps showing me that we have to share the things He has done for us so that others will see how He reaches down and grabs you out of the darkness,no matter where your are, no matter who you are, and no matter what you have done! I would dare say that most of us would rather keep all our sins to ourselves because we don’t want people to see how truly flawed we are but the simple truth is we are ALL sinners before we have Jesus and then when we have Jesus it becomes a daily war(best fought by submission to Jesus’ will) to fight that sin nature. In Mark 10:18-19 even Jesus asks the rich young ruler why he calls Him good, saying no one is good except God. Proof that even Jesus didn’t consider Himself good while He was a man on this earth. He also commands us in James 5:16: Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.

 By now I am sure you are wondering where I am going with all of this and how this relates to “My Journey Home so here it goes… I had been thinking/praying about what God would have me share next when someone sent me an encouraging FB message about this blog and then asked about how my husband(Josh) and I received this call on our life to enter the ministry. (For those that don’t know, my family moved to Fort Worth, Tx on August 1st, 2013 for Josh to attend seminary taking a huge leap of faith which I will be explaining further.) When I read her question, God pricked my heart immediately saying, this is it and I was excited at first and then I remembered I was going to have to go all the way to beginning to show God’s true majesty in the process and then I really just wanted to cry because now people would get to see how truly awful I can be but then you also get to see how Jesus can truly clean you up if you let him. Just a little background on me first, I was saved at church camp when I was in the 5th or 6th grade I can’t remember which because I have the worst memory on earth, that is why I got married on 02/04/06 so I could remember that date. Anyway, the second to last night there after the church service I was lying in my bunk that night I was completely broken, tears streaming down my face because I knew I desperately needed Jesus to change my hard heart and so I invited Him to do that. Even then I was a private person so going “down front” to tell people about it just wasn’t going to happen and I honestly don’t think it mattered, what mattered was I knew I was different! However, here is what did matter…. I needed discipleship and counseling on how to have a real relationship with Jesus and I never got it. Then almost two years later my parents divorced and to say it was a nasty divorce is sugar-coating it quite a bit. Naturally, things started going downhill quick and I just became this young girl trying to survive a cruel world.(If you want the long version of that story feel free to e-mail me and ask me any questions or wait for future posts :)) So, truly by the grace of God…Josh and I met when I was 20 then three years later got married.(Also, more to that story but I am trying to shorten this up as much as I can) When I say truly by the Grace of God, I do mean that with all my heart because what I want you to know is, while I travelled very far off into this cruel dark world, I always knew in my heart that Jesus was my only hope out of it and I spent many nights crying myself to sleep and begging Him to come rescue me but I would get up the next day and believe the lies of the devil that I had gone too far and that Jesus wanted nothing to do with me and continue on in my darkness. Josh and I had been married for three years, we had been trying to have a baby for two unsuccessfully. We were both, while still in our darkness,crying out to God. Looking back now, it seems almost laughable considering where we were at that point in our lives. Anyway, I finally became pregnant and that is really when our lives began to change. We started going back to church and then found our church home at Hillcrest Baptist Church when I was about four or five months pregnant. Josh was really reading and searching God’s word and I was watching him change drastically before my eyes while I was just getting fatter 🙂 and angrier (the hormones were not helpful.) I was loving going to church and having Brother Chris step all over my toes but I wasn’t loving where Josh was headed and I didn’t want to go there. He had this desire beyond his control to be in the word and to be living it out and he started saying things like I think I want to go to seminary I think God is calling me to be a preacher and I started retreating not from God but from Josh. All I could think, was I can’t be a preacher’s wife, not only I can’t, but I don’t want to, I have zero desire to be a preachers wife… what in the world is happening to my life and I set my heart hard against it. But also while I did that I was praying and these were my exact words “God, you know I absolutely do not want this, there are so many reasons and You know all of them, good, bad and ugly. If you want this for him You are going to have to change my heart, You are the only one that can.” Now as you can imagine our marriage became pretty strained. We had a new baby and he was constantly talking about wanting to go to Seminary and being called to preach but he was never sure and didn’t know how it was going to work and I was dead set against it but the worst part about it was we really stopped communicating for about a year. He told me the desires of his heart and I flat-out told him I didn’t want to be a preacher’s wife and things just shut down from there. I of course was keeping all of this to myself because as you remember I don’t tell just anybody anything and honestly began thinking I am going to hell for having the thoughts I am having and not supporting him. All the while, over the next couple of years I kept praying that prayer, I don’t want this God, if you want this for us you will have to change my heart. And that is exactly what happened, my biggest problem was that I didn’t believe that God should use someone like me for anything. I believed that I was one of those people who was going to be lucky to be scrubbing the toilets in heaven, that they probably wouldn’t even have, if you catch my drift. I had allowed the devil to defeat me to the point of nothing. That I had no business trying to talk to anyone about Jesus because I was such a poor example of what someone who follows Jesus looks like. This part was true, I was not a true follower of Jesus, while I loved Him with all my heart, I kept Him at a distance. I didn’t want Him invading my life and changing it for His purposes I just wanted Him to take care of me and my messes. Slowly, God chiselled away at my rock of a heart by my prayers and I know by the prayers of many others who could see through the situation. Then one day I was riding in my car and for the first time I heard the song “Redeemed” and it was like God spoke to me clear as day saying “You have to stop believing the lies of the devil, this song, this is what I have done for you, you just have to realize it and accept it.” (I wish I knew how to upload a song because I would attach it here for you to listen to but I don’t, It is by Big Daddy Weave) At that moment, there was such freedom in my heart, it was as if the wall around my heart came tumbling down. I didn’t want to keep Jesus at a distance anymore I wanted to be a follower of Jesus, whenever, wherever, whatever. Finally, Josh and I began to be able to communicate with each other about God’s purpose for our lives together as a family. And then the big test of our faith came…. We bought a house in December 2012, Josh went on the Men’s Conference in February and God brought him a messenger telling him that he might be being disobedient by not taking the a leap of faith and doing what he thought God wanted him to do. Then in May one Sunday morning while in church Josh wrote me note asking me did I think we were supposed to be going to seminary maybe even Southwestern. And I responded with I am leaning that way. So we got home that afternoon and talked about it and decided we would come tour the campus and see what we thought. We decided he would tell his prayer group about it and I would tell mine to have them be praying for us as we went that we would receive a specific answer from God. We fasted and we prayed like we had never prayed before searching for a definite answer. We drove over on a Friday night after work. We got there really late and had trouble getting into our room we were supposed to be staying in and we finally get in to get in the bed and there is so much moisture in the air the sheets were oddly damp. (Or maybe they had to yank them out of the dryer before they were dry, I don’t know.) So, the next morning we get up early to go tour the school, me, Josh, and Brock who had just turned four. Well, not being proud or anything like that, Brock is usually a really well-mannered child, also why we can take him pretty much everywhere we go. However, that day was not one of those bright and shinning moments. In fact, it was like someone had kidnapped my child and replaced him with this crazed child. We were half way or three-quarters of the way through tour when I was about to look at Josh and be like you know what I think we were wrong this is not were God wants us. I was actually saying in my head, Ok, God I am getting nothing out of this, I have heard nothing and I am about to have to discipline my child in front of all these people who I would rather not do (because of course there was no bathroom near by that I could take him to.) obviously this was a mistake you don’t want us to come here. Then they lead us into the President’s office, who wasn’t there that day, but the little guy is going on about things which I couldn’t really listen to then, all of a sudden, it was like the entire room went quiet, including my child and he was still, then it was like God speaking directly to me from this guy he shared the five main focuses (what they considered most important) of Southwestern 1.) Your Personal Relationship with God. 2.) Family 3.)Your ministry and then 4 & 5 I struggle to remember maybe discipleship then academics. Anyway, the important ones were the first three because God was like this is it, this is what is important, this what I have laid on your heart, this is why I want you to come here. Then the little guy finished his part and we went and toured student housing, Brock started acting better, not great, but better and then finally the tour was over. In all this time, Josh and I really had not talked much. I was truly trying to maintain the chaos that was Brock that day while Josh paid attention to what the people were saying. We went back to the room got inside and just kind of sat there for a minute and he was like well what do you think…so I explained to him, everything that I explained above to y’all, and he answered saying I felt the exact way until we got in the dean’s office and God spoke to him the say way He spoke to me. How awesome is that!!! Then we of course started freaking out, we just bought a house, we have no money, what about Brock’s school…etc. etc. etc. but it was an excited scared happy if that makes any sense at all :). We started praying immediately about all those things and had other people praying as well. Our 5 “big” things were 1.) We Need to Sell the House 2.)We Need Money for tuition, moving etc. etc. etc. 3.) We needed jobs in Texas 4.) We needed a good school for Brock 5.) We needed a good home for our golden retriever

Ok I have decided to make this a two-day post because it is soooooooooo long!!! Check back tomorrow see how God finished paving the way for us to Follow Him!

Obedience… And Lack There Of….. Why are We So Inclined to Not Obey God When He Speaks to Us?

Here I am again, angry and frustrated with myself about this blog! I know it seems so simple and futile really, which only irritates me more! But here’s the thing, no matter how simple and futile we think something is, if we know it is something God wants us to do is it really simple and futile? Think about it, we are such self centered beings but God has this huge master plan that He is working out for everyone on this earth and that “simple and futile” task that God has asked you to do may be the life changing gesture He intended for someone else. This makes me stop and think about all the times I have said no to God. Really, who do I think I am that I can just be like nope, don’t want to do that let’s find something else for me to do. Why is it that whenever God asks me to do something I almost always want to say no. What is even worse is the guilt and shame that the devil showers upon me when I say no defeating me yet again. The ironic thing is, I don’t really want to say no, I want to say yes….And I am not just talking about this blog that I know He has laid on my heart to do. I am talking about every aspect of my life when God tells me to do something or say something I want every inclination of my heart to be Yes God! No matter the how scary it looks from my very self centered perspective. This is what lead me to the word Obedience. The definition of obedience is the act or practice of obeying; dutiful or submissive compliance. Honestly, this definition gives me great hope! God revealed to me and I have acknowledged, the incredibly rebellious spirit I have in me. It is something I have to give to God on a daily basis because it truly over takes me when God is not in control.  I make a lot of excuses about where this spirit came from but they are irrelevant and will only waste your time because, like I said, they are excuses. None the less, this rebelious spirit (when I haven’t given it over to God) is what inclines me to say no or do the exact opposite of what someone tells me to do. The truth is, it’s not just God, it’s pretty much anybody.I simply don’t like being told what to dok I mean whoe does….(that’s what I tell myself to make myself feel better). Anyway, back to Obedience…the reason the definition of obedience gives me hope is because it is the practice of obeying. I feel lilke God is telling me you just have to start somewhere. Look at all the things you are saying no to Me about and say yes to one of them, and then the next time I ask you to do something, say yes again. And then when I come back to you with something you have already said no to, say yes. Ask Me for help with saying yes because the main reason you say no is because of fear. Fear you aren’t good enough, fear you don’t have what it takes, fear of what people will say, fear of what people will do, fear of etc. etc. etc….. All these are lies from the evil one trying to get you to say no so that whoever/whatever God wants to reach doesn’t happen. But the truth is God has not given us a spirit of fear!! 2 Timothy 1:7 says For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of sound mind.(NKJV) He also says in Psalm 128:1 Blessed are all who fear the Lord, who walk in obedience to him. The word also tells us about Jesus learning obedience through what He suffered while on earth in Hebrews 5:8. Obediently walking with God is a completely freeing lifestyle and while I still on occasion (Like with this blog) say no God I don’t want to do that, I am constantly practicing coming back and saying yes. I am also practicing saying yes to Him the first time around because, as I said before,my heart’s true desire is to say yes, and I am only letting the devil win when I say no. What inspired this reflection on my obedience was a post on face book the other day about a girl who did exactly what God told her to do and a young man’s life was changed forever because that was God’s plan!!! And here I was actively telling God no I don’t want to write a blog….something most people don’t even look at! My prayer for all of us is that we start claiming these words of truth and saying Yes God! Whatever, Whenever, Whereever….. man what a world we would live in if this were the truth of our lives. My last scripture is 1 Peter 1:14 – 16 As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. But just as He who called you is holy , so be holy in all you do; for it is written: “Be Holy because I am Holy”

Are we going to be obedeient children? 

Are you BROKEN?

I am going to preface this by saying God actually laid this on my heart to share about a week ago and I didn’t do it. As you can read on the prayer requests and struggles I have had some things God has been dealing with me on but I also was just avoiding the blog in shameful and utter disobedience. We all have those moments when you go back and forth about wether or not what you are/aren’t doing something God does/doesn’t want you to do. Well, I have known that God has been wanting me to do this blog but I have been avoiding it. However, this is really neat the way God revealed this to me and you may have seen this somewhere else but here we go….

Broken by Webster’s definition is having been fractured or damaged and no longer in one piece or working order; (of a person) having given up all hope; despairing. Synonyms being defeated, beaten, subdued.

I was walking on the treadmill when God brought this to mind; BROKEN: Being Reduced to Our Knees Everyday and Night

You see we often think of our initial encounter with Jesus, being broken before Him to accept salvation. At least that is what I think of when I think of being broken. I think of that moment on that bunk bed at camp after God spoke to me through a great message and Him shattering my prideful, arrogant, and mean heart and saying you need Me. You are drowning in your own darkness you need me and I was completely broken in that moment and I knew I needed Him to save me. What occurred to me as I continued on my walk is the place we need to be every time we come before Jesus is BROKEN. Not necessarily in total despair but total dependance. We often think we are broken at that initial meeting and thats it we’re good, no more of that for us, but the truth is we should remain in that position allowing God to mold us back into the creation He intended for us to be. A lot of us have that broken moment with Jesus and we let Him put back together some of the pieces but then we do the rest, that part we think we have under control, and God doesn’t need to waste His time doing something you can do. What He revealed to me though was that initial moment where we are broken and meet Jesus is just the crack in the surface of what He wants to do in us and through us. Notice the acronym again… Being Reduced to Our Knees Everyday & Night….. Often we come before God and we are not humble, we think we have things in control and we are just telling Him things to keep Him in the loop…while this may not be our intent, the next time you pray really think about how you are approaching God. Are you in awe of His presence, do you know that His way is better than your way, are you confessing your sins before Him, are you Praising Him, are you Thanking Him for all He is doing in your life… What is your presence when you come before him? Are you standing tall and proud and saying look Lord at what I have done for you today? …. Again, are you Broken? Do you come before Him humbly knowing the only reason you are still here is because He has a purpose for you and you know that you cannot fulfill that purpose without Him? And are you coming before Him this way everyday and every night? These aren’t just questions for you these were/are questions God was asking me…. Am I BROKEN? Am I in realization of my need for utter dependance on Him everyday and every night? Am I allowing him to break away the hardness of my heart and put me back together to be who He intended me to be? Sadly, this past week I think I fought that hammer hard…but it is a new day and today I am saying come and break me Lord, shatter me, that I may be reduced to my knees every day and every night and mold me back into who you want me to be.

Isaiah 64:8 Yet, O Lord, you are our Father, We are the clay, you are the potter, we are all the work of your hand. (This is Isreal talking to God, What we should be saying to God!)

Proverbs 11:2 When Pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.

Matthew 11:28-30 Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

He wants us to come to Him broken because He wants us to give Him all of our burdens and becauseHe has already paid the price for them.

What in the world is a Jesus Girl??

So…here I am starting this journey… feeling so lost in what I am doing but also knowing that this is something God has placed on my heart. What I desire for this blog to be, is a place where we as women/girls can come and share prayer requests and answered prayers, our daily/weekly/monthly/yearly struggles and how God helps us grow through them and overcome them. I also would love for this to be a place of accountability for anyone who wants/needs it. Personally, I have found that having someone hold me accountable for whatever I am doing ensures greater success for me! Now that you know what God has placed on my heart for this blog I hope you will help me in making it a success! Trust me, when I say I have NO CLUE what I am doing! I am a first time blogger and while I have done some research I still feel way behind! Any and all suggestions are welcome!

Now onto the name and how this all really came about…. God placed this desire on my heart pretty heavy a while back and I of course in my “I know what it best for me” attitude I shrugged it off. As we all know, when you are seeking God’s will for your life and He wants you to do something He can be quite persistent. I became annoyed with constant nudging of the Spirit so I started praying, “Ok, Lord if this is something you want me to do then just keep it on my mind.” Well, prayer one was answered with consuming thoughts and ideas of how, when, where, and why I should start this blog. So then, I begrudgingly began to look up christian women blogs because I had never even been on a blog….can you say OVERWHELMED…. there are so many!! Then the devil stepped right on in with his lies(notice I said lies yet my mind still heard them as truth) that I couldn’t do this and there were already so many so why would one more even matter or be relevant, etc. etc. etc. Then proceeded to the self-induced pity party over the next couple of days and my prayer became, “Ok, Lord if this is something you want me to do then you have to give me a name.” because I didn’t even know I would need a name when I started looking. True to His loving nature the very next day that prayer was answered(Finally to my point! I know I can be long-winded…). So I am reading my Made to Crave book(Something we’ll discuss separately from this) and I come across the phrase Jesus Girl again and once again it made me cringe and laugh at the same time. And God in His ever humorous personality says that’s it, that is the name for your blog. It was so clear in my mind it truly was almost audible and I literally laughed out loud. Here is the funny part of the story: My paternal grandmother was not the most loving of grandmothers. She was more of the let me see how many chores I can get out of them while they are here grandmothers and this was her signature phrase. We would stay with her for a week every summer and every day of that week, every time I turned around she was telling me to be a Jesus Girl and it drove me crazy!! All I could think was you treat us like slaves when we come here, Is that being a Jesus Girl? Don’t worry, I never said that to her, but you get the aggravation. When I started reading Made to Crave I honestly didn’t think I was going to be able to read it simply because of this phrase. I know it’s silly but we all have those negative “reactors” if you will, those things in life that we allow to leave scars/wounds that just burst open when we hear a song, or a phrase, or see something specific…(Again something to discuss later). However I chose to persevere and move forward with the book and God did something completely amazing to that phrase for me. He changed it to something that I want to be and something I want to call myself. He showed me what being a Jesus Girl really is…. and that is nothing more than a girl who loves Jesus with all her heart. A girl who loves Jesus so much she is willing to trade her life for His and serve Him in whatever capacity He wants her to serve. A girl who loves Jesus so much that His love shines so brightly through her that anyone who comes in contact with her experiences the love of Jesus. Oh how I want to be that girl…and I am striving to be that girl daily. I hope to use this blog as another tool to help me become that girl and my prayer is that if you are reading this that you can use it as too for the same thing.  So please be patient with me as I try to get this blog up and going! Again all suggestions are welcomed!

Attached below is an article about Mother Teresa, what an example she was to women everywhere of Jesus’ love. 

Related articles

• Mother Teresa and silence: Finding God among the poor (worldvision.org)